Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
