Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
