I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
