Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
