Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
