I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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