i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
