By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
