I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
