So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
