I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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