I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
