My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
