The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
