you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
