He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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