She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
