I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
