Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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