Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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