Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
