Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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