I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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