he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
