Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
