Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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