I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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