I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize