He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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