Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Too much gin, very little bucket
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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