Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
