I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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