I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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