i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
