I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
