Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
