the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Too much gin, very little bucket
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
