I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
