i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
