Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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