I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
