She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
