Sponge bath it is.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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