guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
