I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
do nipples grow back?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
