so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
