how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
