I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
