she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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