Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
