i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
