You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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