There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
