They should really pass out barf bags in church
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
