You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i think i just lost a toe
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
