Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
