im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You pole danced in your parka.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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