I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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