Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
