I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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