I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
