I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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