god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
