***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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