I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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