I hate your face
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
