I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize