I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
