I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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