i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
