I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
