sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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