he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
