I hate your face
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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