You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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