I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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