On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
