Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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