her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
