I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
