I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
