I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
